In Loving Memory

I spent lunchtime today with a group of friends in Pizza hut. The look of panic on the face of the unsuspecting waiter showed us instantly that where-ever we were put, it would be a bit of a squish. Ah well- we're all friends, just meant we had to be a little friendly.
It's a good day to be around friends because today is Fiona's anniversary. This day last year I got that horrendous phone call from Mark telling me that she'd died. It seems strange that its been a year already and yet at the same time, only a year. I'd spent the past week debating whether I should go to Pizza hut with everyone and decided, that's not what she would have wanted. That and you should show that you appreciate people when they're still with you, not worrying afterwards about the things you wish you'd said but never got the chance.

So, this one's for Fi. And if she was here right now, she would be laughing at my Christmas present from Luke. I now have to spend the rest of the day running round with a pink fluffy cushion. Wonder what Dr Sanchez will say when he sees me with it- especially seeing as I've named it Tellula.

Desperate need of zzzzzzzzz's!

I couldn't sleep atall last night. I was really tired, but couldn't get of to sleep. By the time it got to half 4 in the morning I just gave up and got out of bed. And what does one do when they are sleep deprived? I baked a cake.

I have to say it's really unfortunate having no sleep before the longest of days. I had to go in at ten this morning- not to bad so far but here's the bad bit- for a 3 hour lecture. I'm now in the middle of a 2 hour break and then I've got another 2 hour lecture, A one hour lecture which clashes with my other lecture followed by a rehearsal for the CU carol service. I'm struggling already an I don't believe in pro-plus! What's a girl to do? Must find some sweeties and other such sugary yumminess.

Calvin owes me haribo!

Have been doing lots of Christmas shopping lately and as always, ended up buying lots of stuff for myself- not good! I went shopping in Brixton on Friday (not as scary as everyone makes out- I think people just say its rough so that when they go there they can make out that they're really hard) and I ended up buying myself a pair of shoes. I went shopping on Saturday and ended up buying myself a new coat. The coat I can justify though- there were only 2 left both in my size. And here's the best bit- the coat was originally £99. I bought it for £20! Bargain if ever I saw one.

After spending much of the weekend shopping I resigned myself to getting lots of work done before leaving at half 2 for a rehearsal at church. That went completely out the window as I seem to have the need to fulfill the student stereotype by sleeping in until 20 to 1! After waking, dazed in a state of semi-consciousness I heard someone bang on our front door. I debated ignoring it but an attack of conscious made me drag myself out of bad at that embarrassingly late hour to answer the door. It was big Dave. 45 minutes and 1 cup of of tea later he left, leaving me an hour to have a bath, eat lunch and get done all the work I'd proposed to do that morning. Something had to be sacrificed and ofcourse- it was my college work!

Having spent the next hour and 15 minutes faffing about, I finally left for church and was late for my rehearsal- why break a habit of a life time. I'm sure I must be getting a reputation for this by now. The subsequent rehearsal was quite entertaining due to the amount of sight singing I had to do-with out music! And just to add the icing on the cake Calvin asked me to sing an Acapella solo verse of be thou my vision. Which I sang- aren't I wonderful! The beginning of the service, Calvin says I'm going to sing this solo verse so there was no backing out, gives me a start note and I start singing. Half way through the first line, I realize that what I'm singing is far too low for me to the point it's right at the bottom of my vocal range. The result- something hideously out of tune, although what makes me giggle is that no-one noticed! I had 11 people after the service tell me how wonderful I sang and what a lovely voice I have. Quite embarrassing really. I don't know what it is about me but I don't seem to handle praise too well. I don't like being in the limelight, its just not me. I want to just sing and forget all about it, not have a conversation with a group of people about random stuff and then for someone to walk past on the way out and say 'nice singing, you sang well' and then for the conversation to turn to what a lovely voice I have. The thought of crawling under arose to hide at that very moment crossed my mind but the absence of any rock for me to crawl under made that a little problematic. Maybe in the future I should stand at the front and sing with a brown paper bag on my head. Hey- it would match my new shoes!

the wonderful world of computers!

I spent ages on tuesday writing a blog all about my lovely weekend in Southampton only for the stupid lousy computer to loose it for me. Today, the computer was oh so kind to recover it for me so once again all is alright with the world.
I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to give myself a manicure. I was very bored and very creative and in the tired, half asleep state I was in, decided that it would be a good idea to paint little pictures on my nails. Ofcourse I made a complete mess and vowed to take it all off this morning. Never plan to do anything in the morning- you will inevitably over-sleep. Guess what I did?! I had to go into college with messy nails and couldn't chip the varnish of for the life of me. Laura and Sarah-Jane both laughed at me. *sigh* I've decided that that is justification for extensive amount of chocolate and other yummy stuff. The diet starts tomorrow.

Southampton Doesn't have a beach!

Having had the week from hell, stressing about anything and everything I decided that the best thing to do was, and I quote Monty Python here- 'RUN AWAY!', successfully adopting the thanks giving dinner at my house for 15 people Deborah invited. Turkey isn't my thing, however I did try to make stuffing balls for her and managed to burn my hands several times in the process. Possibly because we used boiling water in the mixture.

So, my genius de-stress plan was to run off to Southampton to stay with Laura and Iain for a couple of days to chill. Far away enough to get away from everything and they seemed happy enough for me to invite myself.

Friday was spent shopping upon the realization that Southampton beach was completely repaced by the doc (may be at university but am still a bit slow!). Come to think of it, shopping is no bad consolation. I did have every intention on starting my Christmas shopping ofcourse and I did look but alas, as per usual I spent ridiculous amounts of money on myself. (good cure to stress if ever I came across one)

It was so good so see Laura and Iain. I finally gave them their wedding present which had been sitting in the corner of my bedroom since the beginning of July. 4 and a half months- that's a strong effort! I have never seen anyone so excited about storage jars. One can only assume that it was a case of simple things! I have to admit, it was quite exciting how they matched all their other kitchen utensils- I have a simple mind too! Iain then decided to wash them out before using them and was gutted that he had to wait for them to dry. I helpfully suggested he used Laura's hair-dryer to dry them. He took me seriously!

Friday evening I found myself categorizing someone's leaving party and showing my mastery skill at playing giant pick-up sticks. The fact that I'd helped Laura to make some home-made tzanziki (zanzoozoo as she called it!) helped a little bit so I didn't feel so awkward. That and a glass of wine. I don't think any of us had expected the party to go on until so late. We left at 3am. Arrived in Southampton at 4am. I got to sleep at 5am then woke up around half 9 and couldn't get back to sleep.

I returned to London feeling empowered, able to take the world on and feeling a little silly for thinking that a bad day was justification for dropping out of my course to arrive home to a tidy house- nice! As I sat in my living room I'd noticed an extra 4 empty bottles of wine on our window sill- and then there were 11. Apparently people were commenting at thanks giving about all the empty wine bottles and both my housemates informed everyone that they don't drink wine so now everyone probably thinks I have a drink problem. (just for the record- I didn't buy any of the bottles on the window sill and in total I've probably only drunk 2 glasses of wine since I moved into my house.

So now I look like an alcoholic, I didn't get any shopping done and I didn't get to go to the beach on account of Southampton not having one. Oh happy day!

a little help from my friends

I wasn't going to post today, I've been feeling a little bit down and miserable and wanting to hide. Then my friend Umaima sent me this e-mail. I thought I couldn't ignore it. There's no point in pretending your something your not and I just felt I should post this beacuse I am a real person, not a robot stuck in happy mode all the time. The fact is, I may be happy most of the time but then I have my moments. Everyone does. Friendship means letting other people see your bad bits instad of trying to hide them away.

Somewhere between the *procrastination* and the homework..

and the incessant forwards and the friendships

and the calls to each other complaining about CrUsHeS

and BF/GF!! Somewhere between the phone calls to oldfriends and the "I miss you's",

the "I love you's" andthe "What are we doing tonight's?"

And somewhere between all of the changing and growing...

somewhere between the classes and the skippingclasses...

and the StUdYiNg for teStS...

And thePRETENDING to "StUdY" for TeStS...

And the downright NOT StUdYiNg for TeStS...

I forgot--I forgot what ScHooL was all about.

Somewhere between all the appointments, starbucks or BO'S coffee,

and McDonald's... paying bills and then not paying bills...

Making plans then breaking plans...

Appearing, Disappearing, then reappearing...

I forgot--I forgot what it was like to cry.

I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy...

A nd that pretending tobe SmArT doesn't make you smart ..

I forgot that you can't just forget the past infear of the FUTURE...

I forgot that you can't control falling in LoVe..

And that you can't make yourself fall in *LoVe*.... I learned that I can LOVE...

I learned that it's okay to MEsS UP.... And it's okay to ask for HELP!!!..

And it's okay to feel like crap... I learned it's okay to cOmPLaiN

and wHINe to all your friends for a whole day........

I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have

and the things that you look for are right in front of you.

I learned that the greatest thing about HiGh ScHOoL and CoLLeGe

and the working world it isn't about the parties or the DRiNKiNG or the Hookups ...
It's the *FrIeNdShIpS*, which means taking chances.

I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget

are the things which we most need to talk about...

I learned that TIME and LOVE can heal all things...

I learned that just when you think it can't get worse - it does!

...but with the love and support of friends - you survive...

I've learned that when you start feeling BaD about L O S I N G touch

and about those that you've lost!

They too, are feeling the same way....
I learned that letters from friends are the most important things.

And that sending cards to your friends makes you feel better!

But, basically, I just learned that my friends........

Both old and new.....

are the most important people to me in the world AND

.......without them, I wouldn't be who I am today

Public speaker available for Christenings and bar mitzvahs!

I had to do a debate today for my Martin Luther course.
Despite all the nerves, shaking like a leaf, panicking in the morning over not reading enough, creative use of a board pen, etc, I triumphed and prevailed in an outstanding victory! Well I would have done if we'd bothered to vote anyway.
I have to say right this minute I feel ready to take the world on. Adrenaline is wonderful stuff.
I know, I know- it may well be one small step for man but its a giant leap for me. I still can't believe that I actually volunteered to stand up in front of a class of people to argue a point that initially I didn't agree with.

Well, now that's out of the way I have to start my many millions of essays. First one due next week and then I have one a week- whey-hey! Its going to be Elena the party animal from here on in obviously! I say that but mind you I don't get out much- getting out requires too much effort and I am essentially a lazy mare. Ok, so that's a bit harsh, lets say I'm just a creature of habit, a habit of sitting in front of the TV and not moving until I need either food or sleep- depending on which comes first!

I've written myself a to-do list for this week of 28 things. So far I've done 2 things on the list so I think its going well! Usually what happens when I write these things is I manage to get all the little mundane things dome but anything that actually requires lots of work generally gets left to the next week! Ah well- you know what they say; never do today what you can put off until tomorrow!

Picture of Productivity

My aspirations of attempting to get two essays done during reading week are rapidly going out the window. So far my sum achievements of this week are writing an article for the student papaer and having lots of fun in tescos! Such is the exciting life I lead.

I'm cooking for my homegroup tomorrow evening. My culinary creation will be the ultimate veggie dish- vegetable lasagne.I challenge you to go to any house as a vegetarian,I tell you nine times out of ten they give you lasagne. This is ofcourse if you are not living in cambridge- there they give you nut roast! Having wowed my small group previously with my chocolate fudge cake I feel I have a reputation to maintain.

Ah well, tomorrow is another day. With a bit of luck I'll get some work done besides getting creative in the kitchen and Meeting the RTSF woman for a chat.
I am an optomist after all!