Apologies for being useless- I haven't blogged in aaages!!! I started writing a post on the problem of pain but got a little distrcted by 'Where is God when it hurts' by Philip Yancey (as you do). If you haven't read it I recomend you do.
So exams are over and I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself for the next couple of months. I need to find somewhere to live and I need to find a job. I'm not very good at having ucertainties hanging over my head and at the moment there seems to be a lot of big ones. I don't like being in a state of limbo, I like to keep busy, to be useful but I guess every now and then you are forced to slow down. Yesterday to keep myself busy I thought I'd give the house a tidy. In the process of washing up I managed to break a glass and slice my finger- it was very exciting. I'll spare you the gory details but it was bleeding for over an hour and to look at it now it really doesn't look all that impressive. Today my house is still in a mess and everything is taking twice as long to do because of my finger. Needless to say, this is not good potatoes. In general I want everything to be done by yesterday but what is the hurry? It isn't like I have a fully packed schedule for the next few days.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Patience is a virtue
Yesterday I was at a wedding. A couple of friends of mine from my homegroup at church finally tied the knott. Despite the oh so lovely rain it was a wonderful wedding. I don't think I've ever seen Lizzy looking so radient and as as for Ben, he had this wide smile on his face all day.
They had asked me to sing In Christ alone during the signing of the regesters and I cannot tell you how nervous I was. I'm no stranger to singing in public but weddings are different, its someone's big day so you really don't want to mess it up! (not that you'd want to particularly want to mess it up in general but you get what I mean) I was absouloutely fine during the service, I walked to the back of the church during the last hymn to stand by baby grand piano and yet the nerves were still kept at bay. That was until the accompanist started playing the introduction. From then on the lower part of my body felt like the consistancy of jelly and it didn't help that one of my friends had told me she was going to film me just before I started singing. I gazed at the congregation and lo and behold, there was this camcorder pointed in my direction. Nerves aside, I thouroughly enjoyed it. I love weddings, I love being part of someone's special day and whitnessing the couple making promises before their friends, their family eahother and ultimately before God. To be asked to sing just was being asked to participate in their day and to be able to do that for two people you care about is a very special thing, to be an active part of the celebration.
And a celebration it was. Ben and Lizzy had known eachother for so long. They initially started going out together when they were twelve and had been serious about eachother for the last five years. 14 years is a very long time. I can remember when Ben was working down in Bristol two years ago, Lizzy was sat in our home group asking us to pray for patience. She really wanted to get married but it wasn't the right time. A year later, Ben had moved back to London and had planned this elaborate proposal for Lizzy and she didn't have a clue. Yesterday they got married. I am humbled and astounded by Lizzy's patience. I look at my life now and see something that is very messy and very patchy because at the moment I can't see the complete picture. And yet I'm itching to shee what the complete picture looks like. I don't know how things are going to pan out in my life and I lack the patience see how things will work out.
I'm going to be 24 next week which really scares me. I remember when I was little thinking that I'd get married when I was 24 and would have 4 kids and would be this amazing career woman as a graphics designer. Ok so I don't want to be a graphics designer and maybe 4 kids is a bit much but would I like to get married one day? Yes I would. Where I am at the moment, marrage is a long way off, maybe wont happen either. I've always felt able to trust God in who I end up marrying but since I split with my ex I have realised that I haven't been able to trust God with the possibility of staying single. I still have issues from the breakup, its as if it has left me covered in a layer of grime that gradually I'm trying to clean off. No one can see the real me yet, how I should be but gradually as I work through my issues you begin to see scratches in this layer of grime and you start so see something shining through. That is the stage I am at at the moment and it could well be a long process for so many reasons and I know that God has perfect timeing. Do I relly believe that in my heart though? Do I really have the patience to let God work in me? I find it so hard to in all honesty. But I do know God hasn't finished with me yet. I just need to have a little patience.
They had asked me to sing In Christ alone during the signing of the regesters and I cannot tell you how nervous I was. I'm no stranger to singing in public but weddings are different, its someone's big day so you really don't want to mess it up! (not that you'd want to particularly want to mess it up in general but you get what I mean) I was absouloutely fine during the service, I walked to the back of the church during the last hymn to stand by baby grand piano and yet the nerves were still kept at bay. That was until the accompanist started playing the introduction. From then on the lower part of my body felt like the consistancy of jelly and it didn't help that one of my friends had told me she was going to film me just before I started singing. I gazed at the congregation and lo and behold, there was this camcorder pointed in my direction. Nerves aside, I thouroughly enjoyed it. I love weddings, I love being part of someone's special day and whitnessing the couple making promises before their friends, their family eahother and ultimately before God. To be asked to sing just was being asked to participate in their day and to be able to do that for two people you care about is a very special thing, to be an active part of the celebration.
And a celebration it was. Ben and Lizzy had known eachother for so long. They initially started going out together when they were twelve and had been serious about eachother for the last five years. 14 years is a very long time. I can remember when Ben was working down in Bristol two years ago, Lizzy was sat in our home group asking us to pray for patience. She really wanted to get married but it wasn't the right time. A year later, Ben had moved back to London and had planned this elaborate proposal for Lizzy and she didn't have a clue. Yesterday they got married. I am humbled and astounded by Lizzy's patience. I look at my life now and see something that is very messy and very patchy because at the moment I can't see the complete picture. And yet I'm itching to shee what the complete picture looks like. I don't know how things are going to pan out in my life and I lack the patience see how things will work out.
I'm going to be 24 next week which really scares me. I remember when I was little thinking that I'd get married when I was 24 and would have 4 kids and would be this amazing career woman as a graphics designer. Ok so I don't want to be a graphics designer and maybe 4 kids is a bit much but would I like to get married one day? Yes I would. Where I am at the moment, marrage is a long way off, maybe wont happen either. I've always felt able to trust God in who I end up marrying but since I split with my ex I have realised that I haven't been able to trust God with the possibility of staying single. I still have issues from the breakup, its as if it has left me covered in a layer of grime that gradually I'm trying to clean off. No one can see the real me yet, how I should be but gradually as I work through my issues you begin to see scratches in this layer of grime and you start so see something shining through. That is the stage I am at at the moment and it could well be a long process for so many reasons and I know that God has perfect timeing. Do I relly believe that in my heart though? Do I really have the patience to let God work in me? I find it so hard to in all honesty. But I do know God hasn't finished with me yet. I just need to have a little patience.
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