Just floating by

I'm finally going to see the Wallace and gromit film this evening. I don't care that its a kiddies film- really I never left my childhood. It's the break I need form the barrage of course work. I'm up to my eyeballs in my dissertation not to mention an essay on Duetoronomy 12-26 to be working on. As usual I seem to lull about as though I'm on a mechanical converyorbelt until every so often someone gives me a prod and I realise that there is life beyond my degree. A scary thought admittedly because it means I need to do a lot of thinking about my future which is straggle because until a couple of years ago I never really thought I had one.

I just feel so tired at the moment, drained even and its when I'm in this state I forget what is going on around me. I forget about all the blessings in life. I forget all of God's promises to me. I forget all the people that are around me because all I want to do right now is sleep. I was talking to one of the freshers this afternoon and she reminded of some amazing stuff from Christian union on Tuesday. We run around living our lives filling it with stuff that really isn't that important. We do degrees and then at the end of 3 years think what now. We think that things like careers, relationships and job, qualifications will fulfill us and make us truly happy but then we qualify, find a relationship, find thee job of our dreams and yet still feel empty. Why do we always think that the grass is greener on the other side? We strive for things that are really nice and likened to shiny things but they don't really matter. The bottom line is that I believe every human being has a God shaped hole in them and we are trying to ignore that hole. We are trying to fill it with anything and everything we can think of that we think is desirable and then are unsatisfied. I can't help thinking that I keep on doing this, going to lectures, writing essays, filling my days with meetings- prayer meetings even and yet I'm still ignoring this God shaped hole. I often don't think about what I'm doing, I don't recognize that I'm living my life as though I'm on a production line until someone comes along and reminds me that life isn't about getting a nice cushy 9-5 Job(8-3:30 for teachers!). Life is about worship. I was created to worship God and I spend too much time not doing it. I just let myself float along, not thinking, not feeling, just getting on and yet wondering why I feel so flat.