When you try your best but you don't succeed, stuck in reverse (Coldplay)

Its that time of year again
I should be living life in the fast line
but all I really want to do is stand still.

When all I can see is an endless barrage of coursework and essays and churning emotions I feel more than ever a need for a break. I feel like I've completely lost any sense of priority or self worth and have become a one track record that is only able to think about what appears to me to be the inevitable impending failure that lies before me.

I feel like I have spent the whole year trying to fight off a label that one who was once so near and dear to me told me and in some ways its baffling that what is mere words can colour my entire perception so strongly. But I can't shift the label. I can still here his words reverberating in my head telling me that in his expert opinion I am 'clinically depressed'. Why is it that when the medical opinion tells me its not the case I still listen to him?

Why is it that words which are said in the heat of the moment last and walk with you for a life time and what really keeps me awake at night is were those two simple words only in the heat of the moment? I feel stupid because the way I've felt and the way all this has effected me has allowed him absolution of any responsibly and has supported his theory. I've had to stand aside as a bystander and watch someone take over what was once my life and feel so isolated from friends I care about, not wanting to make them choose between us. I want to hide behind nobility and say this is the reason why but in reality when you are as messed up as I am you can't see why anyone would choose you.

So what am I left with? I feel like all my aspirations have died. My degree feels like a distant and faint hope and as for my career as a teacher, it feels like nothing more than a pipe dream. People would say that all this isn't real, this is just illness talking but maybe, just maybe its time I finally faced up to the reality that graduation is a lot further away than I hoped.

My dreams are dead and I'm all alone.

Its not easy being green

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

Here's one for you to ponder

If there was a fight between one horse sized duck and onehundred duck sized horses, who would win?

Any Takers?

Your Candy Heart Says "Marry Me"

For you, love is serious business. You don't take dating lightly. And even if you haven't met the right person, getting married is something you expect to do soon. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic picnic in the park Your flirting style: subtle and calculating What turns you off: short term flings Why you're hot: you're a hopeless romantic with each new relationship

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Alas- A happy post

'He (Douglas Adams)describes Halford as an inspirational teacher who is still a support. "He once gave me ten out of ten for a story, which was the only time he did throughout his long school career. And even now, when I have a dark night of the soul as a writer and think I can't do this anymore, the thing that I reach for is not the fact that I have had best-sellers or huge advances. It is the fact that Frank Halford once gave me a ten out of ten, and at some fundamental level I must be able to do it."'

(Taken from the Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams)

My love for Douglas Adams made me buy this book. I've been wanting to read it for ages. This quote seems to ring very true at the moment. (Well, not literally obviously- no clue who Frank Halford is)

What are the things we cling to in the darker days? The days where we feel everything is hopeless and in all honestly, in my life it often feels that there is no draught of them. Kind words and actions seem to speak volumes. Lately I seem to be almost boasting because I've been hovering at a great low for quite some time, however, I'm not alone. I thank God often that there are people around who have offered me their shoulder to lean on, help me get by. I find it very hard when it gets to 2am, you feel all alone, don't want to ring anyone because its too late and tend to start wallowing, when I feel like I can't do this anymore. When people can't be there, I've found their king words are. I've found that when I don't believe in myself, there are those who do believe in me and that means the world.

When I think about all these guys who have been there for me over the years and especially in the past few weeks and months it suppresses me how many people have been there for me. I'm not going to embarrass people and name everyone but they all know who they are.
Thankyou.

I apologise the soppy sentiment. Will endeavor to be less soppy next time and return to my mediocre depressing song lyrics!

The End of One Day Soon

It seems hard to let it go
Bitter tears and shattered dreams
I'm tired of playing all these semantic word games
I still don't know what happened

I still don't feel ready to move on
But I guess I have no choice
Every time I see you with her
Reminds me how easy I'm replaced

I still don't know what I did wrong
I guess that you were never mine
And now its time to let you go
This is the end of one day soon

This was never my choice
Just expected to follow your lead
And somewhere on the way got hopelessly lost
But at least now I know where I stand

I still don't know what I did wrong
I guess that you were never mine
And now its time to let you go
This is the end of one day soon

You always disliked me dreaming
But played Makebelieve a while
Do you blame me when this is real life?
I never makebelieved my heart
I never makebelieved my heart

I still don't know what I did wrong
I guess that you were never mine
And now its time to let you go
This is the end of one day soon

This is the end of one day soon

This is the end of one day soon

Interesting!

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?