Alas- A happy post

'He (Douglas Adams)describes Halford as an inspirational teacher who is still a support. "He once gave me ten out of ten for a story, which was the only time he did throughout his long school career. And even now, when I have a dark night of the soul as a writer and think I can't do this anymore, the thing that I reach for is not the fact that I have had best-sellers or huge advances. It is the fact that Frank Halford once gave me a ten out of ten, and at some fundamental level I must be able to do it."'

(Taken from the Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams)

My love for Douglas Adams made me buy this book. I've been wanting to read it for ages. This quote seems to ring very true at the moment. (Well, not literally obviously- no clue who Frank Halford is)

What are the things we cling to in the darker days? The days where we feel everything is hopeless and in all honestly, in my life it often feels that there is no draught of them. Kind words and actions seem to speak volumes. Lately I seem to be almost boasting because I've been hovering at a great low for quite some time, however, I'm not alone. I thank God often that there are people around who have offered me their shoulder to lean on, help me get by. I find it very hard when it gets to 2am, you feel all alone, don't want to ring anyone because its too late and tend to start wallowing, when I feel like I can't do this anymore. When people can't be there, I've found their king words are. I've found that when I don't believe in myself, there are those who do believe in me and that means the world.

When I think about all these guys who have been there for me over the years and especially in the past few weeks and months it suppresses me how many people have been there for me. I'm not going to embarrass people and name everyone but they all know who they are.
Thankyou.

I apologise the soppy sentiment. Will endeavor to be less soppy next time and return to my mediocre depressing song lyrics!

The End of One Day Soon

It seems hard to let it go
Bitter tears and shattered dreams
I'm tired of playing all these semantic word games
I still don't know what happened

I still don't feel ready to move on
But I guess I have no choice
Every time I see you with her
Reminds me how easy I'm replaced

I still don't know what I did wrong
I guess that you were never mine
And now its time to let you go
This is the end of one day soon

This was never my choice
Just expected to follow your lead
And somewhere on the way got hopelessly lost
But at least now I know where I stand

I still don't know what I did wrong
I guess that you were never mine
And now its time to let you go
This is the end of one day soon

You always disliked me dreaming
But played Makebelieve a while
Do you blame me when this is real life?
I never makebelieved my heart
I never makebelieved my heart

I still don't know what I did wrong
I guess that you were never mine
And now its time to let you go
This is the end of one day soon

This is the end of one day soon

This is the end of one day soon

Interesting!

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

If you seek, you will find

click the left mouse button on the first x and drag it accross to the other x.

X Even when you can't see him, God is there X

Dance your cares away, worries for another day, Let the music Play, Down at Fraggle Rock

You are Wembley Fraggle.

Which Fraggle Rock Character Are You?
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Happy New Year

It's 1st January 2006, its a new year and how do I choose to see in the new year? By writing yet another depressing song. For a change.


Its that time of year
For new beginnings and resolutions
And promises made that you know will be be broken by this time tomorrow
And I'm sitting here
Wondering, praying, feeling, hoping
I will achieve these things this year

That I'll be a good girl
That I'll be brave
That I'll be happy, healthy and a little more Godly
But by this time tomorrow
My head will be a mess
But I'm still hoping
And clinging to this dream

And I dream
That I claim my life back, live each moment
And feel secure in the hope I know is mine
And I dream
I wont just get by but I'll fly away
And saw above with eagles.

And I'll be a good girl
And I'll be brave
And I'll be happy, healthy and a little more Godly
But by this time tomorrow
My head will be a mess
But I'm Still hoping
And clinging to this dream.

Its that time again
I push aside all my disappointments
Of last year's shattered, broken, lost dreams
But What I fear
Is that all that haunts me and scares my soul
Will always remain, will always be here

If I be a good girl
If I be brave
If I be happy, healthy a little more Godly
But by this time tomorrow
My head will be a mess
But I'm still hoping
And clinging to this dream

Thanksgiving

Yesterday my homegroup had a belated thanksgiving. I never would have thought of topping sweet potatoes with marshmallows. Sounds revolting but its sooooo good. The best bit about thanksgiving though has to be the bit every person says what they are thankful for. You sit there listening to all these different things and realise how blessed you are, how many gifts God lavishes on us.

Its not often that my course helps to strengthen what a believe but a few weeks ago I had to read through the whole of the book of Leviticus for a lecture. Now most people would suggest that if you want to read the whole bible cover to cover, Leviticus is not the place to start. The reason why is because its full of so many rules and regulations, covering so many different things from sin offerings to how to treat mildew. A lot of people say its really dull but I really enjoyed reading it. I enjoyed reading it because it shows how holy God is. So holy that only one person can have access to God for one day a year in the holy of holies. For everyone to be right with God, there were so many things that had to be done. It really makes you thankful for Jesus. Reading Leviticus and following the law seems so hard. I'd struggle to remember all these different sacrifices and practices never mind actually being able to carry them out. I'd never be able to do it and I'd never be able to come to a place where I can sit in God's presence and just be. Because of what Jesus did for me, for mankind on the cross 2000 years ago I can cme before the heavenly throne and worship him-its pretty amazing. We have this very cushy fuzzy understanding of God's love and frequently forget about how holy God is. He can not and will not tolerate sin. Leviticus makes that very clear. I shouldn't be anywhere near God. I could never be good enough no matter what I do, how hard I try. But because of Jesus, I can come into God's presence, rest in him, be with him, talk to him and be his child, all because one man was the perfect sacrifice. And for that I am thankful.